EPISODE 2 - TRANSCRIPT

INT. FRANKIE’S POD - MORNING

Telsa coils crack. HIGH-VOLTAGE ELECTRIC ARCS through Frankie’s skull. Sounds of BREAKERS FLIPPING, ELECTRICITY, and...Frankie SINGING the French folk song “ALOUETTE.”

FRANKIE (singing)

Alouette, gentille alouette. Alouette, je te plumerai.

JOSH

Come on, volts. Don’t let me down!

The HUMMING and CRACKING get louder and so does Frankie’s SINGING. It ends in a CLIMACTIC ELECTRIC EXPLOSION. Frankie COUGHS, coming back into consciousness.

JOSH (slapping her cheek)

Frankie! Wake up! Wake up!

FRANKIE

D’accord! D’accord! I’m up! I was singing in French again wasn’t I?

JOSH

Yep. And very loudly.

FRANKIE

Don’t blame me, blame my malfunctioning French brain. Josh, what the heck is going on with me?

JOSH

No idea, but I gotta say, I am getting really good at shocking you back to your senses.

FRANKIE

Congratulations. You’re a master of Victorian medicine.

JOSH

Thanks sis! Gimme five.

FRANKIE

My hands are strapped to the gurney.

JOSH

You know, it’s actually more efficient if I high-five myself anyway. Dr. Josh Amazing, you are a genius!

He SLAPS HIS OWN HAND.

JOSH

Go me!

CUT TO THEME SONG

INT. FRANKIE’S POD - DAY

Ambient BEEPS in Frankie’s pod.

FRANKIE

So, what’s going on at the lab? Are you any closer to fixing the world’s problems?

JOSH

Sorry, Frankie. It’s before 9 o’clock AM and I prefer to discuss work on company time.

FRANKIE

It’s 8:59. Start talking.

JOSH

Well, while you were dealing with your franconphile fainting spells, I did a lot of thinking.

FRANKIE

God help us all.

JOSH

If I want to be as great as Dad, I need to focus on making the world better. A better place.

FRANKIE

I mean, that’s exactly what I told you to do, but--

JOSH

Sooooo, I created an invention that sucks up all the toxic smog from our atmosphere!

FRANKIE

You did? How?

JOSH

Picture this: Flying automatons, each of them the size of a bumble bee. They soar through the sky, like teeny tiny roombas with wings, and they vacuum up all the pollutants. I call them the smog suckers!

FRANKIE

Wow. OK, that actually sounds really promising.

JOSH

I know, right? That’s why I’m throwing an official launch party for them tonight at 5 PM, at the golden hour.

FRANKIE

Wait. You’re launching them today?

JOSH

You betcha! Now I’m going to need you to help me pick out a snazzy outfit for the party. I need something that will photograph well in the golden hour.

FRANKIE

Stop saying that! There is a zero percent chance that your smog suckers are ready to launch this soon.

JOSH

For your information, they are 100% prepared for takeoff.

FRANKIE

So, there were no bugs in alpha testing?

JOSH

Nope.

FRANKIE

How about in open beta?

JOSH

Open what?

FRANKIE

Closed beta? Gamma?

JOSH

Huh? Are you speaking French again?

FRANKIE

I’m speaking English, Josh! Have you completed any testing on the Smog Suckers?

JOSH

Yeahno.

FRANKIE

Well, then you’re just going to have to delay the launch.

JOSH

No! I can’t do that! I made a whole thing of it! I invited the press, hired a live band karaoke company, rented a photo booth, and I purchased twelve different liquid- based food fountains!

FRANKIE

Seriously?

JOSH

I know, twelve different varieties! Who knew that the chocolate fountain was just the tip of the dippable iceberg?

FRANKIE

Listen to me. You really tanked with the Seatbalt. But it’s OK because you’re a straight cis dude in a position of power, who is also extremely average-looking.

JOSH

...thanks?

FRANKIE

But you can’t mess up again and get away with it. Seriously Josh, You need to test each and every sucker and make sure they work perfectly before you shoot them into the sky. Got it?

JOSH

But the launch is at 5 PM. That’s in... (checking his watch) 8 hours!

FRANKIE

Well, good thing you got started a whole minute early then.

Frankie’s phone RINGS.

JOSH

Is that your phone? Who’s calling you? Only I call you.

FRANKIE

You’re clearly not calling me right now.

JOSH

I refute your logic. I’ll answer it for you!

Josh grabs Frankie’s phone, sounds of a STRUGGLE.

FRANKIE

Hey! Give that back!

JOSH (answering the phone)

Hello, Dr. Josh Amazing speaking. Who is this and why didn’t Frankie tell me she had a secret friend?

AUTOMATED MESSAGE (on speaker phone)

This is an automated message confirming your 12:15 PM appointment with Dr. Becky Fernandez.

JOSH

Ugh. Wrong number. Lame.

FRANKIE

It’s not a wrong number--

AUTOMATED MESSAGE

To confirm, say--

FRANKIE

CONFIRM!

AUTOMATED MESSAGE

Thank you, good bye.

The phone call ENDS.

JOSH

You made a doctor’s appointment?

FRANKIE

I sure did. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go get dressed.

CLANGING NOISES.

JOSH

Wait, why are you putting on your suit of armor? You only put that on when you want to --

FRANKIE

Disguise my appearance to leave the lab? That’s correct.

CREAKING NOISES at Frankie walks to the door.

JOSH

No! You can’t leave! I need you to help me test the Smog Suckers!

FRANKIE

How about what I need? Ever since I fell out of the SeatBalt, my body’s been out of control. Look at my fingernails. They’re so long they’re curling over.

JOSH (restrained repulsion)

I did not know fingernails could curl.

FRANKIE

You should see my toenails.

JOSH

But you can’t leave me. I can’t do all this stupid testing by myself!

FRANKIE

Then make the techs help you.

JOSH

The who?

FRANKIE

The laboratory technicians? You know, your employees?

JOSH

Oh yeah, I forgot about them.

FRANKIE

Josh, you’re a boss now. They’re your employees. Go employ them.

JOSH

And how exactly do I do that?

FRANKIE

Do I look like I went to Harvard Business School? I don’t know! Send a memo! Give a speech! Just get them testing.

Josh WALKS toward the door.

JOSH

Fine! I’ll go do that right now! I hope you have a wonderful time at the doctor’s and I hope they only have purple-flavored lollipops.

FrANKIE

Cool. Thanks for the support, bro.

JOSH

Just remember, the American Healthcare system is more broken than my New Year’s resolutions.

FRANKIE

Josh, careful, you’re/

JOSH

It’s more corrupted than a senior citizen’s desktop computer/

FRANKIE

Stop, you’re about to---

FRYING SOUNDS. Josh YELLS!

FRANKIE (too late)

Walk backwards into the antique Lightning Box you were pointlessly using to cure me with zero success.

JOSH

Ow, that really hurt.

FRANKIE

The truth often does.

INT. LAB - MORNING - CONTINUOUS

We hear lab techs MINGLE, MAKE SMALL TALK, LAUGH, WORK.

JOSH

OK, Josh. Time to put your boss pants on. (clearing his throat) Hello employees! It’s me, your boss! Drop everything you’re doing! You, drop that beaker!

The sound of GLASS SHATTERING.

JOSH

Great. Okay, everyone gather up. Since my father, Dr. Amazing, cured cancer six months ago, cigarette use has quadrupled.

Everyone APPLAUDS.

JOSH

No! Don’t clap! That’s a bad statistic! Did you know that cigarette butts make up 45% of Wisconsin’s overall waste? That’s a lot of butts.

Everyone APPLAUDS.

JOSH

Hey! Don’t clap for that either! Look people, if we don’t do something about this soon, Earth is gonna get really gnarly. Like the kinda gnarly where the sky turns gray. And everyone knows that gray is the most boring color. (beat) Fortunately, I came up with an incredible invention that will clean it all up. The Smog Suckers! Lookie, I’ve got one here in my pocket.

A BUZZING sound as Josh shows off a smog sucker.

JoSH

Adorbs, right? And to celebrate my awesomeness, I’m throwing a fancy launch party on the roof of the lab at 5 PM tonight to celebrate. (beat) So that means, all you techs need to stop everything and help me test these suckers so they don’t blow up and embarrass me.

All the techs start ASKING QUESTIONS at the same time.

JOSH

OK, wow that’s a lot of hands in the air. OK, ummm you with the hair, what’s your question?

SUNAN

Did you forget my name again?

JOSH

Is that your question?

SUNAN

My name is Sunan. Pronouns are they/them, I’ve worked here for twenty-two years?

JOSH

Huh, that long?

SUNAN

Long enough that the lab cafeteria named a sandwich after me.

JOSH

The Sunan Surprise? I love that sandwich!

SUNAN

And I love to stay on topic. How many tech hours do you think you’ll need to support adequate testing on this new invention?

JOSH

I don’t know, all of them? But come on, people! Don’t you want to work on the coolest invention to ever come out of Amazing Labs?

SUNAN

Respectfully, Josh, I’m not sure this is the coolest.

JOSH

I know, I know, I’ll forever walk in the dinosaur shadow of brilliant and murdered father. Thanks for the reminder, Sunan.

SUNAN

All I’m saying is, the techs are still cleaning up the SeatBalt... situation. I don’t know how much time they’ll have to commit to your latest invention.

JOSH

Who are you, the manager of all my employees?

SUNAN

Literally yes, that is my job.

TECH 1

Sunan is right, Josh.

TECH 2

Sunan is always right.

JOSH

OK, OK. I get it. We all love Sunan. Sunan has a sandwich named after them. Sunan has glorious hair. But can Sunan get you invited to the hottest party of the year?

TECH 2

Probably.

JOSH

No! They can’t! But I can. Amazing Labs, you heard it here first: Every tech who tests the smog suckers gets an invite to my super fancy launch party tonight. Okay, now you can applaud! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick out a snazzy outfit to wear to my party. Sooo go on, get to work!

Josh leaves and SHUTS THE DOOR behind him.

JOSH

That was easy. Almost too easy... but that’s not a thing. Good work, Boss Josh!

He HIGH-FIVES HIMSELF.

INT. METRA TRAIN - LATER

TRAIN NOISES.

TRAIN ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a South bound train to Chicago. Please stand clear of the closing doors.

A bunch of people CROWD ONTO THE TRAIN.

COMMUTER DAD

Excuse me. (KNOCKING on Frankie’s armor) Can you scoot in please?

FRANKIE

Oh, sorry--

The TRAIN STARTS. ARMOR CLANGING.

LITTLE KID

Look, Daddy! A knight!

COMMUTER DAD

Sshh. Don’t make eye contact! Just smoke your cigarette, sweetie.

KID COUGHING NOISE as he smokes.

Frankie’s phone RINGS. She answers it.

FRANKIE

What is it, Josh?

JOSH

Alpha. Open beta. Closed beta. Gamma. All tested.

FRANKIE

And? What did you find?

JOSH

A few bugs, a few fixes, no big deal. But now, even by your alpha geek standards, the smog suckers are officially ready for launch.

TRAIN ANNOUNCEMENT

Now approaching downtown Chicago.

JOSH

Wait, are you on a train?

FRANKIE

I knew you wouldn’t let me borrow Tony the Chauffeur-bot, so yes, I am... taking public transportation.

On Josh’s end, A TOILET FLUSHES.

FRANKIE

Wait, are you in a bathroom?

JOSH

Yeah, so?

FRANKIE

Good-bye Josh.

Frankie hangs up the phone.

JOSH

Wait! UGH.

INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Three techs enter the bathroom, CHATTING. Sounds of STALLS CLOSING.

TECH 1

How about that announcement from the bossman today? (doing a Josh impression) I’m Josh and I have more daddy issues than Jesus.

The other techs LAUGH.

TECH 3

Let me try, let me try. (doing a Josh impression) I’m Josh and I came up with an invention that literally sucks.

The other techs LAUGH.

TECH 2

My turn! (doing a Josh impression) I’m Josh. I overwork my employees to compensate for my terrible ideas, I refuse to acknowledge my lack of leadership... (getting upset) and I’m a big, big jerk!

TECH 3

Uh, are you OK?

TECH 2 (fighting tears)

No! I’m not. I worked 80 hours last week and I’m still swamped. Now, on top of it all, I have to test Josh’s stupid smog suckers. I should’ve taken that job at Tesla.

TECH 3

Hey, at least we get to go to that launch party tonight. There better be free alcohol. Also, what’s a plus one?

TECH 1

I think it’s a clone.

TECH 2

Wait, if none of us like Josh, then how come we all clapped for him this morning?

TECH 1

He’s our boss, you nitwit. We have to pretend to like him.

The techs LAUGH. Josh chokes back a GASP. The techs stop laughing.

TECH 2

Hey. Is someone in here?

TECH 1

Come out and show your face!

TECH 3

Huh. Must just be the old rusty pipes.

TECH 1

Amazing Labs, the richest company in the world with the suckiest pipes and the suckiest boss.

They LAUGH and leave. The bathroom door SLAMS behind them.

JOSH

You know what sucks actually? Your impression of me. And your... hygiene. Wash your hands, you meanies! (a beat, maybe a sniffle) Oh god. They hate me, they really hate me.

EXT. CHICAGO STREETS - LATER CITY SOUNDS.

ARMOR CREAKING SOUNDS as Frankie walks..

FRANKIE

Grand Avenue. Suite 654. Please, let this work.

Frankie KNOCKS on the door. The door OPENS.

DR. BECKY

Can I help you? Renn Faire isn’t for another 3 months.

FRANKIE

I’m your 12:15 appointment.

DR. BECKY

Oh! A paying customer, excellent! Come inside.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE

Becky’s HIGH HEELS clack as they walk. Frankie CREAKS.

DR. BECKY

Clever costume.

FRANKIE

Thank you, Dr. Fernandez.

DR. BECKY

Call me Dr. Becky, it’s snappier. So what you want to fix? The face? The boobs? Saggy neck? Cankles?

FRANKIE

Actually I was hoping you could just give me a routine physical.

DR. BECKY

You know I’m a cosmetic surgeon, right? And I’m very expensive.

FRANKIE

Cosmetic surgeons go through the same training as any other doctor. You can figure out what’s wrong with me. More importantly...

DR. BECKY

Yes?

FRANKIE

You have a reputation for... discretion.

DR. BECKY

Ahh, so this isn’t a costume, it’s a disguise! Let me guess. You’re a celebrity chef. No, you’re a former sitcom star. No. OK wait, am I getting like war criminal vibes from you?

FRANKIE

I’m nobody famous, trust me. But my dad is Dr. Amazing.

DR. BECKY

Huh. I thought he only had that one squirrelly son who got skewered on the Teddy Show.

FRANKIE

Everyone thinks that. And that’s how I want to keep it.

DR. BECKY

Discretion, I get it!

FRANKIE

Good. I’m going to take off my helmet now. Try not to scream.

DR. BECKY

Darling, the things I’ve seen in this office would haunt your nightmares. Now take off that helmet and let’s see what we’re working with.

FRANKIE

OK.

Frankie takes off her armored helmet with a CREAK.

DR. BECKY

Sweet mother of Mary’s milk! Your face... it’s like its been stitched together. I... think I need to just take a quick nap on the floor, pardon me.

Dr. Becky FAINTS. Frankie SLAPS her face.

FRANKIE

Dr. Becky? Hey! Hey! Wake up! I need your help! Merde.

EXT. OUTSIDE AMAZING LABS - SAME TIME

Josh PACES and listens to his self-affirmation tape.

JOSH (recorded)

You can do this, Josh! You’re a respected adult boss with an average face! People love you!

(he turns off the recording)

Recorded Josh is right, Josh. Now go shoot the shark with those nerds and win them over!

Josh joins the group of techs on their smoke break.

JOSH

Hey hey! My employees on a smoke break, so fun!

TECH 1

Whoa, uh hey boss. Did you need us to get back to work or something?

JOSH

No way, work? Work is lame. I’m just coming by to say hi. So... “hi.”

Awkward beat.

TECH 2

…. Hi.

JOSH

This is so fun! I love to take breaks and smoke delicious cigarettes with my coworkers, don’t you?

TECH 2

Oh wait, you smoke? My bad, Bossman. Manners, sheesh. Here, have a cigarette.

JOSH

Oh... well, Don’t mind if I do.

Josh LIGHTS UP and immediately has a COUGHING FIT.

JOSH

I’m fine. I love this. I’m fine.

Josh finally stops coughing. After another beat:

JOSH

Does anyone have any coconut water? (gagging a little) I forgot, cigarettes smell terrible.

TECH 3

So?

JOSH

You’re going to a fancy launch party tonight, don’t you want to smell good?

TECH 2

Eh, whatever. I haven’t showered in a week.

TECH

Yeah same.

TECH

Same.

JOSH

What? That is ridiculous! You need to take showers! (sniffing) No, seriously, you all need to take showers.

TECH 3

In what free time? We work a zillion hours here. Smoking cigarettes is the only break we get.

JOSH

Not true. You take bathroom breaks! Where you pee, and where you talk to each other, and where you don’t wash your hands. That’s right! I heard you talking about me in the all-gendered bathroom! You called me a sucky boss. And if you don’t take it back right now, you’re all fired.

Silence from the techs.

JOSH

Now. Take it back. Now.

TECH 2 (gathering his courage)

But you are a sucky boss. You don’t care about us.

JOSH

I do so care! I care so much.

An awkward silence.

TECH 3

OK... Well, we should probably get back to work. Sunan needs us to disassemble all those recalled Seatballts.

JOSH

Hey, wait. Do we still have the air fresheners from the Seatbalts?

TECH 2

Probably.

JOSH

Bring them to me now.

TECH 3

Demanding things from going to make us like us isn’t you more.

JOSH

Oh but you will. You’ll like me even better than Sunan! Just you wait, techs. Just you wait...

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - LATER

BEEPS and BOOPS as Becky performs a physical on Frankie.

DR. BECKY

Now, look directly into the lens, Frankie. Good. Hmm. It seems as if your left eye is larger than your right. Did you know that?

FRANKIE

At this point, I think it would be weirder if they matched.

DR. BECKY

Turn your cheek, please. Unbelievable...

FRANKIE

What?

DR. BECKY

Your skin. It’s so buoyant, so fresh.

FRANKIE

I thought I look like a patchwork quilt.

DR. BECKY

Oh, you do. But each individual patch of skin is so supple and smooth. I touch your face and it’s as if I’m caressing the cheek of an infant baby child.

FRANKIE

It’s probably from all my nanobots. They’re constantly repairing me. It’s how all the... patches on my quilt... stay healthy and together.

DR. BECKY

My celebrity clients would pay a fortune to look like this. How old did you say you were?

FRANKIE

That’s a surprisingly complicated question--

Becky pricks Frankie’s skin

FRANKIE

Ouch!

DR. BECKY

Sorry! Just getting a little quick skin sample. And now I’m going to check your heart rate.

Dr. Becky puts on a STETHOSCOPE. We hear LUB DUB LUB DUB.

DR. BECKY

Your heart rate seems... normal.

FRANKIE

Normal? That’s a first.

But then, we hear a FAINTER, MORE ERRATIC BEAT.

DR. BECKY

Huh. When I move my stethoscope a little to the right...

The ERRATIC BEAT gets LOUDER.

DR. BECKY

Oh yeah never mind, this isn’t normal. Did you know you’re growing a second heart?

FRANKIE

What?

DR. BECKY

Listen.

More ERRATIC HEARTBEATS.

DR. BECKY

Whatever’s happening inside your body is happening at an accelerated rate.

TYPING SOUNDS.

DR. BECKY

I’ll refer you to a colleague of mine. He does hearts. Insides aren’t really Dr. Becky’s jam.

FRANKIE

Wait. There’s something else I wanted to ask... How many surgeries do you think I’d need to look... normal? (beat) I don’t need to be pretty. Because frankly what is “pretty?” I mean, I think a hermit crab right after it sheds its exoskeleton is the most beautiful thing in the world... but based on the single episode of The Bachelor that my dad saved on my DVR, I think other people might define “pretty” a little differently than me.

DR. BECKY

Frankie, I--

FRANKIE

Answer my question. How many surgeries is it going to take?

DR. BECKY

I can’t give you a number. I’m incredible at my job, but even I can’t fix you. I’m sorry, Frankie.

FRANKIE

Oh. Well. I should go. I’m not even supposed to leave the lab.

DR. BECKY

Wait, I want to refer you to that heart specialist--

FRANKIE

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my brother was right. Coming here was a mistake. Thanks for nothing, Dr. Becky.

Frankie leaves, SLAMMING the door shut behind her.

DR. BECKY

No, Frankie Amazing, thank you.

EXT. ROOFTOP OF THE LAB - EVENING

Josh OPENS THE DOOR to the roof.

JOSH

Alexa? What time is it?

ALEXA

The time is 5 PM.

JOSH

The golden hour. (gathering his courage) All right, world, you all want to smoke and stink everything up? No problem. Josh Amazing is here to save the day.

PARTY SOUNDS. FLASHBULBS. APPLAUSE. Josh steps up to a microphone.

JOSH

Hello everyone! Thank you for attending the official launch party for the Smog Suckers!

He’s holding a bag that sounds like a BUZZING BEEHIVE.

JOSH

In this bag, I have 4,000 smog suckers ready to cleanse the air of all that toxic cigarette smoke. And do you know why? Because Amazing Labs cares about making the world better. So without further adieu, go! Fly smog suckers, fly!

Josh releases the Smog Suckers into the air. SUCKING SOUNDS! Everyone APPLAUDS.

JOSH

Look at them just flying around up there, sucking up smog!

More APPLAUSE.

JOSH

But there’s more! This afternoon, I added a little something extra to my invention. And you know who I did it for? My employees. Stand up, lab techs! Wave hello to all my beautiful guests! Come on, come on. Don’t be shy.

MUTTERINGS as the techs slowly stand up. LIGHT APPLAUSE from the other guests.

JOSH

These techs work so hard that they don’t even have time to shower.

TECH 2

Josh, you’re embarrassing us.

JOSH

Well there’s no need to be embarrassed by your smelly selves any more! Arms up in the air, lab techs. Expose those pits!

SSSSSSHHHing sounds.

TECH 2

Hey that tickles!

TECH 1

Wait, what is that aroma?

TECH 3

And why does it smell so familiar?

JOSH

It’s the air fresheners from the recalled SeatBalts. I recycled them! Resourceful, right? You heard it here first everyone! I added an internal sensor to each little smog sucker that detects stinky smells, pinpoints its location, and then sprays it down with pleasant-smelling scents.

TECH 1

I smell like lavender!

TECH 2

And sandlewood!

TECH 3

Wait, is that pumpkin ennui?

JOSH

All of the above with a slight hint of mint! So, there you have it, people: Proof that Josh Amazing is a caring boss who is totally the opposite of sucky. You’re welcome.

Everyone applauds. METALLIC CREAKING sounds.

FRANKIE (hushed)

Josh?? Can I have a word please?

JOSH

Well well well, look who decided to show up to my launch party. Pretty impressive, right, Frankie? Also how snazzy is my party outfit?

FRANKIE Come with me. NOW.

CREAKING as Frankie pulls Josh away.

INT. FRANKIE’S POD - MOMENTS LATER

Josh and Frankie enter her pod. They SLAM the door.

JOSH

What’s going on? Don’t you want to hang out at the party? Or at least grab some cocktail weenies?

FRANKIE

Forget the weenies, Josh! Put on your lab coat.

JOSH

Oh god, is it because my party outfit is bad?

FRANKIE

You just launched hundreds of autonomous robots that spew artificial scents into our atmosphere.

JOSH

Exactly! What’s the problem?

FRANKIE

Bees use smells to know where to travel. Birds use it to know when to migrate. Thanks to your little vanity add, you just compromised our entire ecosystem!

JOSH

... and that’s bad, right?

FRANKIE

Yes Josh. That’s bad. I never should have left you to go to the doctor. You clearly need my help literally a hundred percent of the time.

JOSH (upset)

Honestly, most of the time when you were gone, I was doing great, which really makes all of this so much more tragic! I’m just always under constant pressure to be perfect!

FRANKIE

Oh no, you are not forcing me to attend a launch party and a pity party.

JOSH

Fine! I guess, if I’m being really honest with myself, I just got a little sidetracked. That’s why I need you here to sit in the corner, watching your documentaries, and yelling at me to do all the… things.

FRANKIE

I can’t say it isn’t nice to be needed, but... I’m not sure long I’ll be around to help.

JOSH

What are you talking about? how you.

FRANKIE

Well, I was thinking, what if we hired you an assistant?

JOSH

Why? Dad never had an assistant. He never asked for help.

FRANKIE

But maybe he should have.

JOSH

Fine. I’ll hire a stupid assistant.

FRANKIE

Please, for the love of god, hire a smart one.

JOSH

Fine! (beat) Say, the techs gave me cigarettes. Wanna split one?

FRANKIE

We’re indoors.

JOSH

I held onto a couple of Smog Suckers, they’ll clean it right up.

FRANKIE

You know what, yeah. It’s been a day.

A LIGHTER FLICKS. The smog suckers BUZZ.

FRANKIE

Wow, these things really do suck.

JOSH

Aww, thanks, Sis.

FRANKIE

Ok, sibling moment over. You just launched 400 demonic Glade Plug-ins and the ecosystem isn't gonna fix itself.

JOSH

Right. Let’s get to work!

“ALOUETTE” plays as they work. The Smog Suckers BUZZ.

EXT. TEDDY’S BACKYARD POOL - CONTINUOUS

Calming LOUNGE MUSIC plus SPLASHING NOISES. Phone BUZZING.

TEDDY

What is it? It’s Teddy’s pool time and I dislike being disturbed.

DR. BECKY

Hello Teddy.

TEDDY

Doctor Becky! To what do I owe this honor?

DR. BECKY

I can’t tell you my source, because-

TEDDY

Discretion, of course.

DR. BECKY

I just got my hands on something that’ll smooth out those eye wrinkles of yours like butter.

TEDDY (intrigued)

Oooh pencil me in for an appointment! Teddy wants the good stuff.

This sends both of them into giggles.

DR. BECKY

Oh Teddy!

TEDDY

Oh Dr. Becky!

DR. BECKY

TEddy!

TEDDY

Becky!

DR. BECKY

El Teddy!

TEDDY

La Becky!

DR. BECKY

Teddy, my darling, I’m about to change your life.

END OF EPISODE